Personality Tests

Here’s a link to a fun site with lots of personality tests: SimilarMinds.Com. I’ve only checked out the Short Test under the Jung Tests category. But it correctly identified me as an ISTJ. It’s a good short version of Myers Briggs to get you started if you’ve never taken the test before. But I do recommend that you take the full test and have it administered by someone who can tell you what it all means.

Myers Briggs isn’t about what you are and what you aren’t. It’s about your preferences. At its best, it will help you understand more about yourself and your friends/family/colleagues/etc. so you can have better relationships.

Join the Conversation

A great conversation over on BlogHer about introverts and networking. Go read and post!

What Introverts Are Not

I’ve been thinking about all the adjectives that have been used to describe me — some to my face but I’m sure many more behind my back. The thing is — most of these are wrong. Some introverts may be some of these things some of the time. But we are rarely always or only these things:

shy
loner
rude
arrogant
inhibited
quiet
self-conscious
bashful
timid
reserved
apprehensive
mysterious
distrustful
cautious
solitary
reclusive
unsocial
guarded
passive
unconfident
isolated

The one quality on this list I’ve actually cultivated a bit is “mysterious.” This may sound harsh, but I kind of use this as a test for people. If they really want to know me and want to work a bit to figure out the mystery, I’m more inclined to think about them as being a close friend. If they aren’t that interested in trying to figure me out, I keep the relationship on a different level. It kind of just helps me to stay “me.”

Dating for Introverts

Found this great article at Salon about introverts dating introverts. It makes so much sense. And explains why I almost loathe even the idea of dating. I would rather have a root canal (and I’ve had three of them) than make small talk with someone just for the sake of making small talk. I have a very good male friend right now and I realized when things really clicked for us (not in that way, but sort of — it’s confusing). It was when we stopped talking and were just silent — drinking coffee, driving in a car, etc. When the silences weren’t uncomfortable, I knew this was someone special in my life. I think that’s how introverts know something is going to work.

(Salon articles are free, but you will have to watch a brief ad to get to the full article.)

Introverts I’ve Known

Everyone is different. That seems so obvious that it doesn’t even need to be said. The thing is, you have to try to live with the differences, even celebrate them. Trying to make everyone think and act like you do is going to end up in one very boring world.

I feel that I’m extremely fortunate to have an extrovert for a best friend — N. N and I have known each other for nearly nine years, and we’ve often wondered ourselves how we get along so well. We’re pretty far apart on the introvert-extrovert scale. But it works — probably because, over time, we’ve learned to live with the way we are and not try to change each other.

I used to work with someone, B, who was an extreme introvert. She also had a pretty big ego. All I can say is that big introvert combined with big ego is a very weird combination. My job required managing her and others in project teams. Unfortunately, B wanted everyone to act the way she did. She didn’t like having to answer a direct question (she wanted time to think about the answer first); she certainly didn’t want to be confronted by anyone about anything (although even an innocuous question seemed like an interrogation to her); she always thought everyone was yelling at her; and she actually thought that those around her needed to change their ways to accomodate her style of working.

First of all, that’s never going to happen. You can’t change a person’s inherent nature. Second, her take on reality was seriously skewed by her own introvertedness. She simply could not come out of herself enough to realize that other ways of relating to people were not only acceptable, but often preferable. She spent lots and lots of time complaining about co-workers she didn’t like and spent a lot of time lobbying senior managers to make everyone be “nice” to her. And it was all such a waste of time. It wouldn’t have been easy for her to change, but it might have helped her to grow as a person. And she would have been much less disliked (okay, often hated) by many of her co-workers. B actually did have a lot to offer; she had a lot of great skills and knowledge. But making progress on any project she was on often turned into sheer torture.

I know I’m an introvert and I accept it. I do not expect others to change, only to understand me and where I’m coming from. It’s a win/win situation if we can all do that. I think maybe just a little bit of N’s nature has rubbed off on me and I’m glad it has. What a great gift for an introvert to have an extrovert for a best friend!

Another Great Article

Just stumbled across this in my search for more resources for introverts. This article is from The Arizona Republic. Lots of great information, especially if you have introverted children.

Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

Link via Dreams in Blue

Introverts and the Holidays

I think this is probably the hardest time of the year for us introverts. Parties, parties everywhere. With families, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and sometimes complete strangers.

I think I lucked out this year — almost. I work at a large public university and the chancellor hosts a holiday party each year to which the entire staff and faculty are invited. I wasn’t going to go, but my boss said she was going to meet someone and asked me to walk over with her. I just didn’t really feel like I could say no. And if I was with her, I wouldn’t feel too bad. Although I’ve worked there for almost two years, my job is focused more on people outside of the institution; so I really don’t know that many people yet.

As soon as we arrived at the party, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. So I was immediately on my own. I ended up hanging out with another staff member in my department; but, quite frankly, she has an odd way of introducing herself. She has the best intentions, but she does it very awkwardly. And she hasn’t learned that if she’s going to introduce herself, she should also introduce the person she’s with. It was just odd — and very uncomfortable.

I finally excused myself from her, found my boss and told her I was going back to the office. She knows me pretty well so she didn’t mind. I just don’t know why I wasted so much time before leaving. For the most part, I’ve come to accept the fact that I really don’t like parties. In our extrovert-filled world, everyone is supposed to like parties and get equal enjoyment out of them. Unless it’s a small group of people I know really well, I pretty much hate them. I just have to keep reminding myself that’s okay.

So if you’re facing parties this year, remember — just say no! It’s okay for you not to like parties.

Networking Help

If you’re going to be in the business world, especially starting your own business, I think this article is helpful. The fact is, many of us introverts need to network, whether we like it or not.

This article basically says, just do it. It’s hard at first, but gets easier. I’m not sure I totally agree with that; for some of us, “just do it” is not possible. I imagine a lot of us choose jobs where do don’t have to network. But there’s some advice here that some of us will find helpful.

Via LifeHacker.

The Origins of “Introvert”

I have to begin by stating that I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I have no training or formal education in either of these topics. But I am a life-long introvert. What I hope to be able to do is present ideas here for review and discussion. I want introverts to be able to accept themselves for who they are and not feel that they have to change something fundamental about their personality in order to “fit in.”

I felt I needed some history of the word “introvert.” I was surprised to learn that its use as a noun is relatively modern. According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the noun only dates to 1918 and is based on the work of Carl Jung.

I also learned that the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, which I imagine nearly everyone takes at one time in their life (I’ve now done it twice in the last 5 or 6 years) is also based on Jung’s work. There is a great introduction to Carl Jung‘s work at Wikipedia.

Myers Briggs is a huge topic and, as I’ve mentioned, I’m not really qualified to cover it in any depth. You can start with the Myers Briggs Foundation. Probably the most useful section is Trusting MBTI Information on the Web. There is an awful lot of stuff out there; as with anything on the Internet, be careful of your sources. That being said, this site seems to have a relatively good overview and will allow you to get an idea of your type if you’ve never taken the official test.

The Introvert Manifesto

This blog started based on a few things:

The fabulous article by Jonathan Rauch from The Atlantic Online in March 2003 entitled Caring for Your Introvert. It’s the article that started it all. See the follow-up articles here and here.

A thread conversation on BlogHer about the need for an Introvert Manifesto (credit goes to Caroline for the title!).

A conversation with my sister about her introvert daughter and why she doesn’t like parties.

I hope this is a place for all of us introverts to gather, discuss, share, lament and cope with all the extroverts in our lives. Let me know what you want to see here!