What Introverts Are Not

I’ve been thinking about all the adjectives that have been used to describe me — some to my face but I’m sure many more behind my back. The thing is — most of these are wrong. Some introverts may be some of these things some of the time. But we are rarely always or only these things:

shy
loner
rude
arrogant
inhibited
quiet
self-conscious
bashful
timid
reserved
apprehensive
mysterious
distrustful
cautious
solitary
reclusive
unsocial
guarded
passive
unconfident
isolated

The one quality on this list I’ve actually cultivated a bit is “mysterious.” This may sound harsh, but I kind of use this as a test for people. If they really want to know me and want to work a bit to figure out the mystery, I’m more inclined to think about them as being a close friend. If they aren’t that interested in trying to figure me out, I keep the relationship on a different level. It kind of just helps me to stay “me.”

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5 Responses to What Introverts Are Not

  1. j says:

    maybe personality types should wear signs (i mean this jokingly) but honestly quite a lot of angst can be caused by personality mismatches. i have realised that i am an extrovert with far too many introverted friends. They like to meet for dinner every couple of months for approximately one hour, they go home immediately after. Now an then they’ll meet for a coffee, strictly one on one. Being an extrovert i know lots of people, there are often work or other social events to go to, unfortunately the people i considered to be “close friends” are introverts. Knowing too many introverts is how an extrovert can have friends and still feel lonely.

    When people are difficult to get to know and seemingly fail to reciprocate it is sometimes best just to give up.

  2. MC02 says:

    J your last sentence:

    “When people are difficult to get to know and seemingly fail to reciprocate it is sometimes best just to give up”

    Makes me both sad and angry, THAT is exactly what we introverts get every day, people “giving up on us” because they don’t understand us, or fail to see just how draining social interaction can really be for us.

    Some people make friends effortlessly, but the rest of us, it is actually PYSICALLY exhausting to be in social situations, so when people “give up” on us, that just makes our job THAT much harder! If they are true friends, I would hope you’d have a little more understanding.

  3. Kristi says:

    What if you’re both extrovert and Introvert? You love social events, but too much of it drives you crazy. You consider class time social time and need your me-time and people get up set with you for not being around often even if you’re in your room all the time.

    I can’t stand who I am, and I guess if I can’t stand who I am, most people can’t… -sigh- There is such a thing as lonely while you may or may not be okay with that.

  4. Baasima Hendrickson says:

    Hi! I just started a blog on trying to be social and not be so introverted or reserved. It’s refreshing to come across your blog. It’s nice to come across various ideas/views of introverts. I like that you cover a range of topics and provide links to other resources. I think your posts are really informative and some of them really resonate with me, especially this one. It helps me know that I’m not alone and that being introverted doesn’t define me. That I can still make an attempt to change somewhat and be who I am at the same time.

  5. Introvert says:

    Yes, you are very right about how introverts can be mislabled , often times unfairly because of the lablelers misunderstanding of other people. This website Introvert Home offers much fun for introverts too, just like your blog here. Thanks so much for your posts, very informative.

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